How do you set goals, when you’re not sure what you really want – and maybe not even sure who you really are anymore?

How are you supposed to figure out where you want to be in a year, when it’s a chore to even figure out what to cook for dinner?

Sometimes it seems so hard. Days drag, but years fly. And here we are. So you try to plan a little – “ok, this weekend, I will sit down and write my goals.” And you try. And that blank piece of paper stares back. Time passes. Now it’s time to clean the house, time to do the laundry, time to take kids to soccer practice. I don’t have time. Not now. Knot. Now.

And so it goes.

How do you get clear on what you really want when you don’t take the time to ask yourself meaningful questions and – more importantly – listen to the answers? Because life is answering, but we’re not necessarily listening.

Try this. It takes 3 minutes. If you have a pet, look at her (or him). If you have more than one pet, look at the one closest to you. Or look at a baby, or a bird. Anything you love (that’s alive – except an adult person). And, without saying or doing anything, show them how much you love them. Send your love to whatever you chose. Send it with your eyes – send it with your heart. Now, with the same eyes, hold up a mirror. And send that love to yourself.

Go easy on yourself. It’s ok not to know right now. But, it’s not ok to ignore that small whisper inside of you that’s asking you to listen.

We go to school. Earn the certifications. Fill our heads and our notebooks with inspirational quotes and “you can do it” bravado. Then, the first day on the job, we forget it all. The quotes disappear, the 5-step process doesn’t apply to this situation. We stumble along and realize, that even though we knew the material intellectually, and could spout the facts to any stranger we pass, we don’t know how to LIVE the process. And we think, if I just read this next book, I’ll find my answers. If I just take this course, I’ll know what to do. Many of us our comfortable here. Committed to a life of learning, of compiling information and even sharing it with others when given the chance. We can analyze the path we are taking, but so few of us are comfortable actually walking it.

What if we could see inside our head – and we could see thoughts as things. The thoughts we think at any given moment – tangible. What if you could open your head and see those thoughts. Here’s what my thoughts in my head might look like. Not a pretty site. Is that a desk or a chair leg in there? I can’t tell. Should I take this job or that job? I have no idea. There is no room for anything else – there is no space. My rice bowl is full (to paraphrase the Zen saying). What needs to happen? I need to invite space in. Space between my thoughts so I can see more clearly. If I can create space, I can see the chair, for example. I can see that it’s a chair with only 3 legs and is made of oak. And I can decide that I don’t want to sit there. Or I can more clearly see that job “A” has great qualities, but I value “x and y”, I don’t want job “A”. Space between our thoughts not only allows us to see things (thoughts) more clearly, but it allows room for something else to come thru. A softer answer – more like a whisper.

It’s weird isn’t it. How many self-help books there are. How many free e-books there are. How many experts there are. All telling us we can do it. We can be successful, we can have it all. But what if we can’t. What if we have to be where we are – for now. Can we accept that? What’s the alternative? We can be where we are, accept it, and work from a source deep within us to grow. Or we can react against whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. We can scream, and swear, and fight all night. Or we can curl in a ball and let the world go by. It’s ok. No matter what you choose. It’s ok. Maybe we’re supposed to give up – give up trying so damn hard. Give up the struggle. And for once, step outside at midnight and let the stars guide us.